Save Me
by JadelynWoods
Summary: Spencer Hastings is a patient of Radley Sanitarium, there she meets Toby Cavanaugh, the son of another patient, they happen to understand everything they're going through since the moment they met, and that will help with Spencer's depression. They will eventually fall and help each other to get through their darkest time.
1. Take me back to the day we met

**Hi guys, I'm starting a new story, that I hope with all of my heart you enjoy, first of all I gotta thank my gorgeous friend and one hell of a writer, Mellie, thanks for giving me the courage to keep writing; I love you.**

 **Spencer's Point of View:**

Who am I? Who am I going to be? Who the hell is Spencer Hastings?

Since forever I have been trying not to live under my sister's shadow, I have been trying to please everybody but me, I have been trying to be the perfect daughter my parents already had.

I am president of the student council, I get straight A's, I have a GPA of 3.9, I participate in MUNs (Model United Nations), I win British Parliament debates, I am part of the Decathlon Team, I am captain of the school's Hockey team, I am everything they wanted me to be, but was it all worth it? was I ever enough for them?

Where am I? Had I been asleep this whole time? All I see are green walls, and a bed with white sheets, a nurse just came in to give me some colorful pills.

"Why am I here?" I ask her.

"Good morning Spencer, You have been admitted 3 days ago, to Radley Sanitarium, I'm not allowed to tell you your diagnosis, but I'm pretty sure you'll be out soon." I pop the pills she gave me into my mouth and suddenly feel dizziness.

I don't deserve to be here, I do everything right, I can't keep going forward if everything isn't as perfect as I want it to be. I walk to the bathroom my room has and can't help to see myself in the mirror , I look skinnier, and pale. I take off my shirt and turn just to see my bones showing. I turn to analyze my face in the mirror, I have huge purple eyebags. I look tired, physically and mentally tired.

I sit in the bathtub while it starts to fill with water, where did my mind go? Tears start falling down my eyes and in a glimpse of seconds I suddenly can't breathe, I'm panting, Sadness hits me like a bitch, I have no meaning, I have no past, no present, no future, I'm not the sun, neither the moon. I'm everything that got lost in time and in the middle of the way. I have no intention, nor motive to keep breathing, don't I?

"Mom?" I hear a voice.

"Mom, are you okay?" The voice is coming closer, I can't hear through my sobs anymore, I'm naked lying in the bathtub.

"Oh my god" I see a boy with deepening blue eyes coming my way.

"Mrs.-Hey Please STOP!" His hands are holding my arms with a really strong force now, he tries not to look my way, I suddenly notice the razor in my hands with blood falling down the bathtub full of water, I never noticed, I didn't have the control of myself for a few seconds.

"Are you okay?" The boy asks me and I nod feeling really dizzy. He brings a towel to me and wraps me around it, he tries to take me to my bed but we both fall with no success. I suddenly laugh, I meant that, I haven't laughed since months ago. He stares at me confused and suddenly bandages my wounded arm.

"I'm so sorry, I thought this was my mother's room."

"It's okay, thank you, for this." I say reffering to the boy stopping my suicidal non-intentional actions.

"I'm Toby," I nod.

"I'm nobody," I say shaking his hand,

"I really doubt you're a nobody,"

"I can be nobody here, I don't wanna be my old self" I say while frowning.

"Woah, sorry Mrs. Nobody" I laugh again.

"You really have an impact on people, don't you?" I tell him and he raises his eyebrows.

"What do you mean?"

"I can't remember why I'm here, the only thing I know is that I haven't laughed since forever, and I suddenly met you and you made me giggle like such an idiot, twice."

"You don't remember why you're here?, That's bullshit."

"I mean it,"

"I think you're lying,"

"I'm not lying!" My eyes start to fill with tears again.

"The only thing I remember is trying to be who everyone wanted me to be and failing to be myself,"

"Mrs. Nobody, do you like to read?"

"Of course I do" I suddenly remember, that I haven't read in a long time, I mean I have but not the books or authors I used to love. Toby grabs his backpack and takes out a book,

"Have you ever read Paulo Coelho?" He asks,

"No, is it good?" He hands me his paperback copy of "Veronika decides to die".

"Keep it." I open the book and smile at his highlighted quotes, he grabs the book of my hands and looks for an specific highlighted quote;

" **What is it that makes people hate themselves?**

 **-Maybe cowardice, or the endless fear of mistaking, of not doing what everyone else expects them to do**." He speaks out loud with a soft voice. Words are overrated at this edge, everything that I want to say I say it with a glance, he understands.

"I have to go see my mom, I will be back tomorrow, I hope you catch up, you will love the book." He helps me stand and leaves my room, since then I haven't been able to say a word.

 **Toby's Point of View:**

As soon as I see my mom, I hug her as tightly as possible.

"How are you mom?,"

"I'm getting better, darling, hoping that soon I will get released." I hold her hand and start rubbing my thumb on her palm as I always do.

"What took you so long?"

"I was on my way here but I met another patient, she's young, chestnut hair, do you know her?"

"Hastings, she was admitted recently"

"Hastings as in Veronica & Peter Hastings daughter?" She nods.

"She's depressive, if I'm not mistaken, she had some violent episodes before, I pity that child, her parents must make her life one hell of a living." I nod trying to analyze the whole situation.

"I love you, mom." She smiles so geniunely I start having doubts on why is my mom still here,

"I love you so much more Toby, I can't wait for the day I get out of here and come home with you, just us." I smile at the thought.

"Counting the days!"

 **Spencer's Point Of View**

"What the hell are you doing here? Don't touch me" I start feeling anxiety as I wake up and see my mother.

"Spencer, it's okay, I'm here, it's okay…" She tries hugging me.

"What the hell are you talking about? Why are you here?" I ask her as confused as I can be. She eyes me worriedly,

"What were you doing last night, Spencer?"

"I stood up late reading, I would like to continue, so leave, please." My last word cracks as my eyes start getting teary again, I follow my mother with my eyes and see her speaking to a cop while closing the door.

"Cops?" I climb up to my bed so I can see through the small window and see a body and 4 police cars surrounding the body, I don't recognize the corpse. Even though I have a strange feeling, Bethany comes knocking on my door.

"Spencer?" She calls me while I'm reading the book Toby gave me yesterday.

"I told you to not call me that."

"I need to trade some pills."

 **Toby's Point Of View**

"Hello?" I answer the phone that woke me up,

"Mr. Cavanaugh?, This is Radley Sanitarium" My head starts jumping to any conclussion of every possible situation.

"We're sorry to inform you, that Mrs. Cavanaugh had committed suicide yesterday's night."

I couldn't get my thoughts straight at first, my head started pounding, tears must be cried.

This isn't real, my mother was happy, my mother was sane, my mother was about to leave that awful place that drove her to her death. She didn't deserve any of this.

 **Thank you guys so much for reading, hope you enjoyed, please review with your thoughts and ideas, I take requests as well, this is going to be as romantic and as dark as I would love to read.**

 **PS: I'm sorry for the ones who have read Veronika Decides to Die, I'm not sure if the quote is translated in the same way, I just happen to have the book in spanish.**


	2. Promise me life

**Toby's Point of View**  
Days passed and my thoughts couldn't get worse and darker. What happened there? What is it about that place that would make people kill themselves?  
My head starts hurting uncontrollably until I remembered the sound of a giggle, of this girl, of this girl in Radley, hair with uncontrollable light brown curls, lost eyes, glowing skin. This girl that could probably be alone and I don't want her to be, I want to help her, for my mother, I want to be the hope that Radley had stolen from me.  
I knock on her door and she opens, staring at me with wide eyes.

"Toby! You came to visit!" I go inside her room and can't help to notice her new bookshelf, all of the books organized in alphabetical order.  
"Did you finish the book I gave you?"

"Can I rant?" She pouts, I nod and she starts to go on with her rant;

"Veronika... She's such a conceited dramatic girl, but she has a point! Still I could feel through her pain, the nonsense pain she was feeling, I mourned her stupid reason why she committed suicide but I also learned, the real meaning, it happens to be the same meaning, why I'm here, why I'm stuck in the middle of nowhere in my thoughts." I couldn't help but smile, who is this girl?

"Mrs. Nobody , what can we do about that?"

"Spencer, my name is Spencer.."

"Well that's a good start, Spencer ; what's your meaning?, what's your purpose?, why are you breathing?, why aren't you gone?"

"I have to find a purpose,"

"How about I help you with that?"  
 **  
Spencer's Point of View**  
"I would like that." I hide a smile and for a brief instant I feel that the pain that has haunted me for the past weeks is leaving me slowly.

"How's your mom? Can I meet her?" I look hopeful but suddenly regret it as I see his face.

"My mother passed away two weeks ago." He's Marion's kid, I gasp loudly and try to be compassionate. I hold his hand for a second and then he pulled away.  
"I came here for you, actually." I couldn't help the confused look on my face.

"Do you want to go eat something?" I nod without even knowing what I was getting myself into. We walk to the main room, where everyone can meet, we walk to the cafeteria and he brings two cupcakes and two cups of coffee. Flashes of memories came to my head, doctors introducing a tube through my nose, I get nauseous at the thought of remembering, I rinse at the idea of eating, I have been eating less and less the past few days, not because I want to be skinny, is just because I don't feel hungry anymore, I also don't feel comfortable with my own self, I want to be different, I stare at him wide eyed.

"You drink black coffee right?" I nod with a serious face, my lips forming a straight line.

"Yeah, it's just that I have been trying to change."

"Spencer, you are really skinny, I don't see the point on starv-"

"What now? The doctor brought your boyfriend just so you could swallow all of the food you have been throwing up the past week?" Bethany walks past us, her eyes filled with wrath and her voice harsh.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I stand to face her and push her.

"Hey, hey, hey" Toby holds me to separate us.

"Oh boy, how romantic.." Bethany says just to tense the moment, I yank Toby's arms and go straight to hit her.

Toby carries me on his shoulder and takes me to my room so the guards won't notice the scandal. I start crying and seeing the scratches and instant bruises I have all over my arms.

"Don't let them get to you Spencer." I bite my lip to hold back the tears.

"Don't you dare look at me with pity, I'm not anorexic, or insane, or depressed, I'm just trying to find who the fuck am I and I have been having fucking trouble with it because of my parents" He holds his hands back in surrender,

"I swear I'm not, I admire you; Spencer, I really do."

"Why would you? I can't even remember the reason why I'm here."

"Well I do, and it's not my mother anymore, so are you going to let me help you or would you rather throw yourself from the roof just like my mother did because of this sickening place?" His voice was harsh and defiant it actually scared the hell out of me.

"I'm sorry… about your mother." He raises his glance and he's fighting back one single tear.

 **Toby's Point of View**

"I will see you tomorrow." I say with a straight face, I walk to the exit, adrenaline rushing through my arteries and veins. What have I done? You can't go back, She will notice, I walk out of Radley and look at the notebook in my hands with "Spencer's Journal" written with brown ink.

What the fuck have I done? This is disrespectful. I get to my yellow truck and stare at the notebook, for a long time, should I know this girl? or should I let herself open up to me with time?

"What's really going on through Spencer's head?, Nobody thinks how is she dealing with life, She isn't feeling well, beneath what seems perfect to everyone there are questions, ideas that are making her doubt about existence, if everything of what she's doing, she's doing it okay." Why would she write it in third person? I drive away into the night, try to keep the privacy she deserves but can't hold my desires. I stop at a spot, it's starting to get dark and I see stars, and city lights beneath, I open the last pages, I'm not sure if I should keep going;

"Suicide, freedom at last, oblivion forever, she cannot escape her will to cry nor to die, Is this just a wicked game?, will it wash with the next rain?, She was a simple example of doubts and unceratainty, a teenager that was too comformable with her own destiny, she was in a flight prone to crash, and was still soaring in flight. How to suicide and not to die while trying? Why is she stuck? Who's gonna get her out?" I close the book, I shouldn't do this, she needs to tell me herself.

 **Spencer's Point of View**

"So are you going to let me help you or would you rather throw yourself from the roof just like my mother did because of this sickening place?" words keep repeating in my head, they're bouncing and my head is hurting trying to figure out how am I so selfish, he's right, I had everything, I was everything, some people have nothing and still happen to have a shiny smile and go through their day, I'm too conceited to see it. My eyes suddenly see blury, because of the tears.

 **Toby's Point of View**

"Good Morning, I'm here to visit Spencer Hastings,"

"She's not allowed to have visitors."

"What do you mean? I was here yesterday."

"She had a rough night." The nurse replies harshly, what does she mean?

"Okay, I wanna visit Bethany…" I shut my mouth because I don't know her last name.

"Young or Jackson?"

"Young" I sign the papers to admit myself inside, and walk to Spencer's room, she isn't here, all I could see was wreck, her books all over the floor, she really had anxiety yesterday and it could have been because of me, my mother did tell me she had some violent episodes before.

I walk through the pathway and see a white room with a small window, there I can see Spencer with a straitjacket, this is nonsense. She's looking at the ceiling, I try to open the door but it's locked.

"Hi" I see a blonde girl coming up to me, She's Bethany, I try to ignore her,

"She's a psychopath," I walk outside while ignoring Bethany,

"She's a killer." I walk out ignoring everything she has to say, I walk up to the receptionist and notice its a different one,

"Hi, I'm familiar of Spencer Hastings and I know she's not allowed to have visitors but this is urgent." She lets me in for 10 minutes.

 **Spencer's Point of View**

"Hi," My eyes light up when I see Toby,

"I thought I wasn't allowed to have visitors,"

"Shut up and listen, I'm going to get you out of here, you're not crazy, they can't treat you like one."

"Promise me?"

"What?"

"That I'm not crazy, and that you'll get me out of here."

"I promise."

 **Hiiiii, so this chapter it's done and it took me a long time; mostly because i have no time, tell me what did you guys think, remember Toby still has Spencer's journal, what do you think, should he read more? By the way Spencer's journal was my writing work that competed with my whole state, eventually I lose because of harsh themes, anyway if you want to see more of her journal please let me know. The next chapter will be fire.**


	3. Look what you've done

**Spencer's POV**

I change to the black clothes Toby brought me days ago, everyone was asleep, I hear noise in a room and the guards running, our plan was working, I run to the roof to find Toby, he was startled, gazing at where his mother had commited suicide weeks ago,

"Toby, are you alright?" He has lost eyes, I grab him by the chin and make him look at me, his blue eyes were wide.

"Look at me, Toby, we're giving her the justice she needs." My eyes were desperate I could feel them, we climbed through the roof and reached the first floor, he leads me to his old yellow truck, adrenaline was making my chest hurt like hell. He starts the engine and I could feel my chest empty, relief maybe. I felt free for a second, I haven't felt like this in a long time, even before I was in Radley I felt trapped in my house.

"Stop the car." I say out of breath.

"We can't back up now, Spencer."

"STOP THIS FUCKING CAR" I yell at the top of my lungs, he stops, I get out of the car and throw up to stop the anxiety trapped in my body, I'm letting everything go, I see concern in his eyes as I sit back on his car.

"I'm sorry for pushing you." He says with sincerity, he keeps driving to a stop in the middle of nowhere, all we could see where lights, stars and the moon.

"This is the spot where I could understand your dark and deepest desires." He says.

"How?" He gets out of the car and opens his trunk, he had tons of pillows and sheets there, I lay there feeling safe.

 **Toby's POV**

What if this was a mistake? What if Spencer really has a mental illness? Will I be enough to cure her? I'm worried she will ever try to hurt herself and I'm not here. She's not healthy, she's not sick either, she's just confused.

"I haven't felt like this in a long time." She says looking at the stars, her hair in a messy bun.

"Like what, exactly?" I grin.

"Free?" She says breathing hard on the summer breeze, she looks stunning, her skin glows with the moonlight, and I have the sudden urge to kiss her, I lean down to kiss her and she hesitates for a second, then she kisses back pulling me harder to her. Our mouths are in sync, she climbs on top of me, kissing my breath away, then we both pull away.

"I think I'm falling." I say my thoughts out loud, regretting everything, she stares at me with a look of naughtiness and flirt, this girl will be the end of me. We both fall asleep on the trunk of my car, when I wake up I have her in my arms, I want her, she's just so mysterious and I love that about her, what is it about her that makes me want her so much?.

We both wake up and continue our car ride till we finally have an idea to where we're going.

"Spencer?"

"Yes?"

"Nothing, I just realized I know nothing about you," so hypocritical of me.

"I like it that way" She says harshly

"Hello I'm Tobias Cavanaugh, My dad re-married after my mom got depression and was admitted to Radley, I am in senior year, I suck at math, I love chemistry, my favorite color is blue, I once had a dog and my favorite book is A Catcher in the Rye."

She stares at me wide-eyed.

"Hello, I'm Spencer Hastings, yes, Hastings, my mom is a senator and my dad is the owner of the most well known firm in Pennsylvania, I felt pressured so I ran, I am conceited but I never get anything I don't really deserve, I have a bucket list, I have OCD and my favorite book is A Catcher in the Rye."

"Nice meeting you Mrs. Nobody, your life was a little boring."

"Tell me about it!" She giggles.

"and Bucket List? mmmmmm?"

"it's a secret, but let's say we already did number 9"

"What's number 9?"

"You'll have to figure it out." She winks at me.

I stop at a mall in Connecticut, the road seemed so short when I'm with Spencer.

"Let's get you some clothes," She nods and walks in holding my hand, we eat lunch and buy some clothes for her and then we look for a motel where we can crash in.

"This is insane! this looks like a motel where Norman Bates would kill his guests."

"you're one very weird girl, Mrs. Nobody." We spent the whole afternoon talking about existence, we're playing questions, not 21 questions, we have passed 21.

"Do you believe in ghosts?" She asks

"Yes, Do you believe in reincarnation?" I ask

"Yes, Do you have any siblings?" She asks

"One, step-sister, Do you?" I ask

"One big sister, Have you ever been in love?" She asks

"No, Have you ever had sex?" I ask

"Aren't you curious, Mr. Cavanaugh?" She asks

"Next question" I say

"Do you like someone in this room?" She asks. I walk to her and can't help it, I kiss her.

"I'm staring at her." She smiles and kisses back harsh.

"Lock the door." She says, I do as I'm told and lay in bed.

"One last question, did it cross your mind?"

"What?"

"This." She starts stripping down her clothes to reveal a matching pair of navy blue underwear.

"Answer." She says demanding

"No,"

"No?"

"Yes."

"Yes?" She comes closer and starts to kiss me, she seems confident but as soon as she touches the back of my neck I can feel she's shaking because of nerves.

"Spencer, If you don't want to do it, it's alright, I'm not gonna force you."

"I want to." She nods, then I grab her harder and pull her closer to me, she kisses me and stops to remove the shirt I'm wearing. All of her hands travel around my chest and then she unbuckles my belt and then my jeans. We both go under the sheets and could clearly see the moonlight through the window, I grab her thighs tenderly and spread them to make my entrance easy.

"Stop." Spencer says before I go in.

"This is my first time, say something."

"Spencer, you're my first too."

"Seriously?" She seems relieved letting herself breathe.

"Yes, take it easy, breathe, it's not gonna hurt." She breathes and stares at me,

"I.. trust you." I'm about to go inside and she speaks up again.

"and Toby?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you,"

"For what?"

"Saving me." I go in and feel myself pleased to hear the most pleaseurable moan she lets out. I go slow, as I kiss her, I can't seem to find a comfortable position but as soon as our bodies are together everything seems perfect. I grab her hands and put them up the bed, she grabs my back and carves her nails in pleasure, I go in faster this time and with a rhythm with my thrusts, she moans harder and holds hard onto the sheets,

"Spencer I think I'm falling for you," I say in between thrusts, she says in a high pitched voice.

"So… am.. I" She lets out a loud moan after an orgasm, I could feel myself close as well.

We both end and hug each other before falling asleep.

"You make me forget about everything going around, Spencer"

"I'll make you forget about the rest," I kiss her and we both fall in a deep sleep.

 **Spencer's POV**

I wake up in Radley, at the roof, I see a body, blood everywhere downstairs.

"What the hell have you done?" Bethany says desperate.

"SPENCER! WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE? YOU KILLED HER!" I stare at my bare hands, did I do this? Did I kill Marion Cavanaugh? She has the same blue eyes as his son, I picture her eyes filled with fear.

I wake up covered in sweat and tears,

"Spencer, it's okay, it's okay, you're safe, breathe, you're not in Radley" Toby says to me in a soft way shaking me trying to wake me up. I can't look at him, I remember my mother the next day Marion passed, speaking to a cop, Bethany asking me for pills. Oh my god, I killed Toby's mother and my parents covered it up. I stand and run to the bathroom to throw up.

"I'm so sorry. i'm so so so sorry.."

"Spencer, you're safe, calm down.. you're safe here," He says putting my hair up in a ponytail and patting my back.

"Toby, I'm so so sorry."

 **Hi guys I'm sorry the update took so long, i hope you liked it, it was so entertaining to write, tell me what you think, if i see you guys want more updates i will try to update sooner because now i've got the time, tell me your thoughts!**


	4. Breathe

**Hi guys so I promised my friends I will update this tonight while I was seeing their reaction on Skype while reading this fanfic, enjoy!**

 **Toby's Point Of View**

"Toby… I'm so so sorry.." She says panicking, I see her eyes wide with fear.

"Why are you sorry? Calm Down Spencer, It was just a nightmare, you were screaming Bethany's name, forget about her." She's breathing hard and quick it's starting to scare me.

"Spencer if you keep breathing like that, you're gonna faint."

She passes out, hyperventilation can cause that. I try to splash her face with water.

"Spencer, breathe with me" I say as she opens her eyes, I breathe slowly, in and out so she can imitate.

"It was just a nightmare, we're safe." She lets out her breath anxiously, biting her lip.

 **Spencer's Point Of View**

I can't tell him, I should, but I can't, I finally found a person that cares enough about me and that's selfish, I have to tell him.

"Toby.. listen,"

"Don't speak." He shushes me and takes me to bed, I still can't control properly my breathing.

"It was just a dream, it ain't real." He says, and he's right, it's not a memory, it's not a fact, I was probably too high to even go to the roof that night, I'm not saying anything until I know it was a fact, oh my god I'm so selfish. I nod at his statement.

"It ain't real.." I repeat, he turns the TV to let things calm down but we both get shocked at the fact that my picture was all over the news, with the flash news title " _ **missing"**_

"Holy Shit" He says out loud.I can't help but laugh at his reaction.

"We're so fucked up". I turn off the TV with the remote as soon as my mother starts to make an statement.

"I love you, Spencer." I turn to face him and he kisses me soft. I stop him.

"What are we gonna do now?"

"We should go home," He says, and I feel a little dissapointed;

"You can always stay at my place if you want to,"

"Let's just wait, I don't wanna go back yet."

"Okay" He holds me and we stay still staring nowhere.

"Toby, have you ever dreamed about killing someone?"

"Never, who did you kill in your dream?" My stomach tightens.

"I didn't recognize the person, probably a stranger." I feel nauseous by lying to him. Neither of us could go back to bed so we spent dawn seeing the window and the rising shine. He gets up and goes to probably bring breakfast, I lean to his backpack and look for Toby's phone so I can check on the time, I don't wanna be disrepectful but I start seeing through his things as soon as I recognize something, my journal, I thought I had lost it, why does he have it?, He comes back with a Dunkin Donuts bag and coffee,

"Oh no no no, you weren't suppose to find th-"

"Are you fucking kidding me? Were you trying to fool me with the whole i don't know a thing about you bullshit? " I throw his backpack at him angrily.

"Spencer, I did it because I was worried,"

"Bullshit, so selfish of you! to read my deepest thoughts!"

"I was trying to know."

"What?"

"Spencer, you didn't write that! That's not you, I was trying to help, and as you repeat all of the time, I saved you! You said it when we made out and you even said it when we were about to have sex, so don't you dare trying to say that I did this for myself." I stare at him wide-eyed and kiss him roughly. He holds onto me, without letting me go for a second.

"What was your first impression?"

"Spencer.. I honestly just gave it a quick peek, what I read,it was too painful, I wanted you to open up to me."

"Painful?" He grabs the journal and starts reading me the pages.

"Suicide, freedom at last, oblivion forever, she cannot escape her will to cry nor to die, Is this just a wicked game, will it wash with the next rain?, She was a simple example of doubts and unceratainity, a teenager that was too comformable with her own destiny, she was in a flight prone to crash, and was still soaring in flight. How to suicide and not to die while trying? Why is she stuck? Who's gonna get her out?"

"Toby, I did not write that."

"I know it's hard to accept it at first."

"No, you don't get it, I don't remember writing that,"

"It could be one of the drugs' side effects, Spencer."

"No, I don't forget things, I didn't write that, I swear."

"Okay, we wil see and try to find out who wrote it but first you need to breathe slow," I feel my lungs burning again. He starts counting for me to breathe.

"Okay now, let's eat." He sits on the bed with me so we can eat donuts,

"I'm not that hungry."

"Just finish that one donut" He says serious and I bite,

We get in the car to get back home, I'm goin back to talk with my mother and find out what really happened in that roof.

"Why are you so quiet, Spencer?" I jump out of my repetitive thoughts.

"I'm just thinking…"

"What are you thinking about?"

"None of your business." I snap harsh

"Maybe, it is my business, did you ever get to that conclusion? Did I hurt you last night? Was it correct for us to have sex? Tell me what you're thinking, I can't understand you."

"Maybe.."

"Maybe, what? was it a mistake?"

I don't respond and stay quiet all our way home, I don't want to get things worse.

We arrive to my mother's front porch and knock on the door, Toby will wait for me outside.

"Mom?"

"Spencer, you got us so worried!" She tries to hug me hard with a concerned face.

"Stop with the act and tell me why were you talking to a cop the night Marion died."

"What are you impplying?"

"Mom, stop being a lawyer for a goddamn second and answer me straight."

"Spencer, listen; you were really overdosed that night, it was Radley's fault, they gave you a wrong dose, a stronger one, those drugs could cause you memory loss and of course it did not calm your violent scenes, you were in the roof that night and Bethany was there, she saw you Spencer, she saw you pushing Marion from that roof."

"NO, you're wrong I was reading a book that night, I wasn' there, I didn't kill Marion,"I storm out of my house and can't comprehend my mother's complainings, I get inside of Toby's yellow truck and wait for him to drive home, I start crying and my sight is gray now, all I could see where memories,

"SPENCER, WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE? YOU KILLED HER" Bethany's eyes were insane, I stare at my bare hands. Memories were like flashes,

"Spencer, are you alright?"

"DRIVE!" I feel him comforting me with his hand on my thigh. I keep seeing memories, my trying to fight Bethany and then black, all black. We were on the middle of the road to Toby's house.

"Toby, I think I killed your mother." He steps on the breaks of the car making me hurt my right shoulder with the seatbealt.

"What!?" His tone changed, I have never heard Toby like that, my sobs were uncontrollably now,

"I'm so so sorry."

"No." I cry harder at his reaction and response, we arrive at his house, not a word has been said since.

"Tob-?"

"Shut up." He gets in his room with me and then he leaves slamming the door. I fucked up, I fucked up really really bad. I see through the window and he's crying on his porch and starts destroying it, the swing, everything." I run outside and try to stop him.

"Please, stop"

"Spencer, my mother committed suicide." He stares at me with anger.

"I think I remember something of that night but I want you to stay calm and listen to me." He breathes out.

"My. mother. committed. suicide." He says in the verge of tears.

"I was with Bethany that night, I don't remember much, but-"

"Spencer, you're not helping, I need you to be quiet, please."

"Toby, I'm trying to expl-"

"I need you to go, right now." I noticed he was trying to decide wether I was guilty or if he wanted me to be guilty.

"Can we please talk?" He hesitates with his head and anger rises through his eyes.

"Please GO." I do as I'm told and find a way to go home.

 **Toby's Point Of View**

I have been thinking the entire day hard, but my mind is somewhere else, I haven't reached to any conclussion,Idon't know when is my dad coming back but I need someone, I don't want to think anymore, I get a late call and it was my mother's lawyer, when she passed I wanted to send Radley to trial but I figured out I would save someone from that place instead.

"Hello?"

"Toby, listen...I had builded a case since the beginning but now it's starting to make sense, your mother did not committ suicide.."

"Drop it."

"No, Toby this is huge; the murderer just confessed." I feel naseous.

"I will get to your house first thing in the morning to talk about the future trial."

No. fucking. way.

 **Hi guys, you know I love cliffhangers! I hope you like it and as soon as I see what you think of this chapter I will try to update, In the next chapter everything that happened that night will be revealed, what do you think? will Spencer lose the trial? what's gonna happen with Spoby though? and Do you guys want me to dig in more withToby family's story?**


	5. Who lives,who dies,who tells your story?

**Hi readers, first of all I need to apologize for taking too long on the update and because of the cliffhanger, second I lost my glasses and I'm not really productive when it comes to writing or reading without them (I just got new ones, so get ready for faster updates), third I have been trying to think how am I gonna develop the night it happened and it's taken me long it's gonna be changing with past future and present,I will try my best not to confuse you guys, fourth I've been reading Agatha Christie for the past week for you guys so I can have ideas on how to write murder, mystery and investigation stories. Enough said, thank you so much for the reviews and enjoy this chapter that took me long.**

 **General POV**

 **Today,October 13th**

Spencer was sitting there, on the interrogation room, darkness all over the room but a huge lamp with white blinding light. Detective Knott was trying his best on this case but Spencer's supposed stubbornness made things difficult. He noticed her bandaged arms and noticed Spencer had history.

"I need you to tell me what happened that night, September 26th,the night Marion Cavanaugh died."

"I told you, I don't remember." Spencer said it for the millionth time.

"Don't make things difficult, Spencer."

"I just told you, I don't know."

"What happened to your arms?"

"That's none of your business, does not even involve the case."

"Do you consider yourself as happy?"

"What are these questions?"

 **Flashback to September 26th**

Spencer sat on the roof of Radley reading Veronika decides to die, and smiling at every highlighted quote,today at the morning she would have written one of the most painful entries on her journals, today at the afternoon she would have tried to kill herself nonintentionally and a boy stopped her, the night just arrived and the moonlight was as light as ever. She looks at the time on her watch and runs downstairs, it was the time when nurses came with their prescription drugs.

"Spencer, wait up!" Bethany calls for her.

"Bethany, for the millionth time, stop calling me Spencer, can I stop being her for a minute?"

"That's the job, honey." She goes to Spencer with a paper cup filled with her personal medicine. "I know you got cut off of Adderall," Spencer's eyes lit up and without any hesitation they exchanged their paper cups.

 **Today,October 13th**

"What happened to your prescription that night?"

"I'm tired, of trying to remember, I was reading a book, that's all I recall for the night, If you don't believe me why don't you ask Marion? She was there."

"Spencer, is Marion your alibi?" Detective Knott asked and kept going with it for Spencer to remember, he could tell by Spencer's eyes that she indeed was remembering something of that night, she's remembering Marion alive.

 **Flashback to September 26th**

The nurses came to check if Bethany and Spencer swallowed all of their medication, they did. Spencer starts laughing and faces Bethany,

"I'm going to read, laters," Spencer sneaks out easily to the roof with her book and a tiny flashlight that she would use to read with the darkness of the night.

"Is that Veronika decides to die?" Marion Cavanaugh asks to Spencer and she smiles.

"Yes, and it's amazing, I would like to feel free like her,"

"You'll soon." She sits next to Spencer.

"That's my son's favorite book." Marion smiles genuinely and Spencer notices her eyes are the same blue as Toby's.

 **Today,October 13th**

"Oh my god I did know Marion was Toby's mother. How didn't I remember that?"

"Spencer, sometimes our minds block traumatic experiences, close your eyes, you're the night of October 26th on that roof." That was in fact all of what Spencer could remember of that night.

 **Flashback to September 26th**

"I miss him all the time, but I promised to myself I will get out of here soon, he needs his mother."

Downstairs Bethany is inside Spencer's room, there was one thing Bethany desired just as badly as going out of that place, it was for Spencer to suffer and feels what it is to be mentally ill for real, Pretty Perfect Spencer had everything and she wasn't happy, Bethany thought Spencer was just there to mock everyone who are in fact mentally ill, she isn't ill for Bethany, She looks through Spencer's stuff and finds her journal, she read it carefully,

" _Suicide, freedom at last, oblivion forever, she cannot escape her will to cry nor to die, Is this just a wicked game, will it wash with the next rain?, She was a simple example of doubts and unceratainity, a teenager that was too comformable with her own destiny, she was in a flight prone to crash, and was still soaring in flight. How to suicide and not to die while trying? Why is she stuck? Who's gonna get her out?_ " Her whole journal is written in third person, it's all bullshit, she thought, that girl has everything, why would she want to die?

What if it happens?.

Upstairs there's Spencer feeling a little dizzy. Marion was next to her but they stopped talking, they were calmly watching the pale moonlight. She speaks up for a second,

"You know, Toby gave me this book." Marion's eyes lit up at the sound of his son's name.

"Would you take care of him?" She says with pain in her eyes.

"What?" Spencer says confused.

"I have this weird feeling, Spencer." Spencer could barely feel anything at the moment, and then again she noticed it wasn't Adderall what Bethany gave to her.

"Spencer are you alright?"Marion asks while Spencer starts to fade out for a second.

"You conceited bitch." There was a loud voice coming upstairs.

"You have everything and you want to die?" Bethany comes up and starts to push Spencer to the edge of the roof.

"Bethany, don't do that" Spencer was at the time so high she couldn't comprehend or even see clearly.

Bethany pushes Spencer with such a force and Marion tries to avoid it, she's the one who ends up falling down the roof. Spencer realizes seconds after that Marion was dead and didn't know what happened at all.

"Why would you push her? SPENCER WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE? YOU KILLED HER." Bethany starts saying it out loud with her huge eyes filled with panic, She stares at her bare hands. The most traumatic experience of her life.

The only thing Spencer remembered the next morning was all she read on her book. She doesn't remember her painful journal texts or her traumatic memory of Marion saving her life.

 **Flashback to October 12th**

 **Spencer's POV**

I arrive home, Toby's words kept repeating in my head.

"My. mother. committed. suicide." Did he mind it? Did he want his mom to commit suicide instead of me pushing her? Did he want me innocent?

I get inside of my room, everything was just as I left it. I sit in my canopy bed and stare nowhere. The next thing I remember doing is harming my arms with a razor blade in my bedroom's bathroom, I don't even remember having the intention to, the only thing I recall are Toby's words, "My. mother. committed. suicide." I notice I'm sitting in my bathtub, the water is running, so is my blood, so is my intention to keep living after harming a guy that only wanted to save me.

 **Toby's POV**

"Drop it."

"No, Toby this is huge; the murderer just confessed." I feel nauseous, who should I believe? Should I believe my worst fear? Believe Spencer? She can barely remember writing on her own journal.

 **General POV**

Bethany speaks to a cop and says "I'm ready to confess that I killed Marion Cavanaugh the night of September 26th."

 **Today, October 13th**

Detective Knott and Bethany get inside of the interrogation room after Spencer and around 40 minutes later a gunshot is fired.

 **Thank you so much for reading! It was such an amazing chapter to write, I hope all of you understand the dates, September 26th the night of the murder, October 12th the day of the last chapter and October 13th the present, where the investigation is being developed. Please let me know what you think!**


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